There's no other way to put it

Love at first sight often turns out to be the fallacy or the one you aren't destined to have. Ahhh, yes, it's nice to feel in like again and be swept up. I think I am crazy. These emotions may or may not be for this new found love. They are way too familiar, like the boys I like in elementary school, lol. I've learned that there's a particular persona that immediately attracts me and I'm lured in by his self-assured missing details and brief exchanges of almost something.

These are the men that would've changed my life, if they'd paid attention, lol. Why? B/c it was beyond infatuation and not obsessive. I didn't have a million pictures of them plastered all over my walls. They just consumed my thoughts and conversation, so much so until I built my own relationship with him. The truth was that he didn't learn to see me in that light for many, many years. I was patient and watched as he dated others. Once my heart has chosen, others just fall to the side. These are the 1st loves of my life, the ones I may or may not be over. The residue of thier personalities wells up in many of the men I've dated since meeting him.

Let me clarify. Others would see me as terribly infatuated and setting myself up for heartbreak. I'm not sure if I totally agree with them or not. I have always know the type of man that I intent to spend my time with. I have dated all types of men, but I usually return to the same kinds of men. Some, within this category, are nice and some are fully living for themselves. The guys who find me attractive are often not attractive to me. So, I go for what I know, lol.

This episode is on the heels of my realizing that it's okay for me to say what I feel and not attach any reciprocity to it. I'm just expressing myself and it's okay. It's momentary and may not last longer than it took to write or say it. I feel good about myself. Yup, I said it.

So, meeting people is a good thing now and I stray away fm the online exchanges as much. No matter where or how I met him, there's always more to the story. It's not always bad, lol. I a learning to allow myself time to be me, but not to waste it on someone who really can't understand. Do I think this new guy is a waste? Yes and no. He is who he is and that's why I fell. That's probably why I'll walk away, too.