You Can Only Draw to Yourself What You Already Are

Hmmmm. Another resonating thought. It lingers not only, because I am taking inventory of my life, but I am also very aware of the patterns of attraction. When we are empty, we attract empty people. When we consistently feel worthless and internalize negative comments, we attract people and situations that really are negative or well beneath who we really are. Even as I work to have empowering conversations with various friends, I realize that each has needs that I cannot fulfill. Each has to chose to grapple with whatever is holding him/her back.

This is especially true as singles peruse various websites and use them. Each one offers a slightly different pool of prospect dates. Why do we use these sites? Convenience? Many of us have fallen into the trap of modernity and the world wide web. Intimacy cannot be created, no matter how simulated, through a machine. Therefore, relationships are built on real contact, real conversations, and real exchanges of human touch. Dating websites create the facade of safety, because there's a screening process. Whoopee! It isn't very difficult to create a program that will match people based on some random characteristics. Online dating can be a wonderful way to "meet" people and determine if you really want to have a face-to-face interaction.

Online Dating Tips:

I've learned to lower my expectations. Those who read my profile may or may not understand my intentions or even have read the entire thing.

I've learned to read each person's profile before responding and to let him know immediately how I do things. It is, then, up to him to chose to play along. Those that rush me are out. Those that work to manipulate the rules are out, too. (These are early signs, for me, huge red flags)

I have a certain standard that I look for. I'm attracted to a variety of men. However, there is a certain type that creates chemistry. I refuse to waste my energy on someone I'm not attracted to and his.

I've learned to take my time, even when I think he is a good person to date. I need to know more about a person, before we exchange phone numbers and meet.

I give myself a month of consistent talking online, before I actually have a conversation. And then, I take my time in meeting you. It may take another month or more before the first date.


In the end, each of us has to chose to look at ourselves, before we go looking for a prospective date or mate. He can't fix you, even if you try to fix everyone else's mess. You have to fix it yourself. Then, you will be able to look at dating, online or in person, as "it is what it is".