What are your Core Values?

As I was reading another blog, something began to, yet again, resonate with me. I have consistently been in organizations, whether military or academic, that have held certain core values. This goes far beyond Mottos, including "As we grow in Age, may we grow in Grace" or "Semper Paratis" or "AMDG". These institutions valued integrity.

By Webster's, Integrity is defined as: 1. the quality or state of being complete; unbroken condition, wholeness 3. the quality or state of being of being of sound moral principle,; uprightness, honesty, and sincerity.

I am in love with the first definition. It speaks so loudly as to how I envision living my life. Honesty and sincerity have been almost as fibrous to me as my own muscles. Unfortunately, I learned to be less and less honest, both with myself and others around me. I used the convenient masks of omission or avoidance, inappropriate timing or "something told me not to". I have wasted so much energy by denying my own truth and integrity. It amazes me.

Whenever a new person walks into my life, I have to ask myself(God) if this is a reason, a season, or a lifetime friend? When I take the time to be still, I find that many of what I thought were lifetime friends were not. I was not willing to let go and have some integrity about myself. I chose to hang on, yelling and screaming, until the parting was more like Ike and Tina, less like bittersweet sorrow. Again, this brings me back to ask what do I really value? Others ask why and I easily could give a laundry list of experiences. That isn't my point. I know life teaches me lessons. When we don't listen, the lessons get harder.

It takes a lot of strength to walk away from any person or situation that really doesn't reflect who you are. If you feel at odds with a friend, family member or spouse, maybe it's time to be still and listen to yourself/God. I am grateful for those who see me beyond the growing pains and love me for the person I am, in this moment and not last year or 20 years ago.

It takes integrity to create a life that is consistently fill with objects, events and people who value the simplicity in being honest and sincere. These expressions go hand in hand with a person's sense of peace and belonging. If you are passionate about something and it brings joy, stay. Although others in your life may have a good opinions, the only one that really counts is your own.

Integrity says to me that everything I do, I will do to the best of my ability without regret. I believe that is what God says to each of us. Do the best you can and I will handle the rest. Sin is when you chose to do things half-heartedly and without sincere effort. If I make a mis-take, I will learn from it and move on. I will not hang on to either the mistake or it's consequences. I will remain present in everything I do. Integrity reminds me to tackle one thing at a time, one day at a time and enjoy it.

You Can Only Draw to Yourself What You Already Are

Hmmmm. Another resonating thought. It lingers not only, because I am taking inventory of my life, but I am also very aware of the patterns of attraction. When we are empty, we attract empty people. When we consistently feel worthless and internalize negative comments, we attract people and situations that really are negative or well beneath who we really are. Even as I work to have empowering conversations with various friends, I realize that each has needs that I cannot fulfill. Each has to chose to grapple with whatever is holding him/her back.

This is especially true as singles peruse various websites and use them. Each one offers a slightly different pool of prospect dates. Why do we use these sites? Convenience? Many of us have fallen into the trap of modernity and the world wide web. Intimacy cannot be created, no matter how simulated, through a machine. Therefore, relationships are built on real contact, real conversations, and real exchanges of human touch. Dating websites create the facade of safety, because there's a screening process. Whoopee! It isn't very difficult to create a program that will match people based on some random characteristics. Online dating can be a wonderful way to "meet" people and determine if you really want to have a face-to-face interaction.

Online Dating Tips:

I've learned to lower my expectations. Those who read my profile may or may not understand my intentions or even have read the entire thing.

I've learned to read each person's profile before responding and to let him know immediately how I do things. It is, then, up to him to chose to play along. Those that rush me are out. Those that work to manipulate the rules are out, too. (These are early signs, for me, huge red flags)

I have a certain standard that I look for. I'm attracted to a variety of men. However, there is a certain type that creates chemistry. I refuse to waste my energy on someone I'm not attracted to and his.

I've learned to take my time, even when I think he is a good person to date. I need to know more about a person, before we exchange phone numbers and meet.

I give myself a month of consistent talking online, before I actually have a conversation. And then, I take my time in meeting you. It may take another month or more before the first date.


In the end, each of us has to chose to look at ourselves, before we go looking for a prospective date or mate. He can't fix you, even if you try to fix everyone else's mess. You have to fix it yourself. Then, you will be able to look at dating, online or in person, as "it is what it is".

OPINION: Are Hood Books Real Literature? | NewsOne

This question speaks to the core of who I am, both as a writer and as an African-American. There are a great number of prolific writers in urban circumstances, ie the 'hood. I have discovered and encouraged a couple. However, that doesn't mean I will invest in some of these writers, no matter how popular or if all of my friends are reading him/her. I am very specific when I buy books and 'hood books have never had any appeal. Maybe, it's the characterizations and plot. Maybe, it's that I grew up very differently. Even with my craving fascination with almost everything urban, I can't bring myself to support even those with whom I have something in common.


OPINION: Are Hood Books Real Literature? NewsOne

Have you Seen Benjamin Button's Mom Lately? - Men's Fitness

I find this advice priceless. Taraji embodies that spunk that makes her curiously approachable and she speaks with life's authority. Read and hear her truth.



Have you Seen Benjamin Button's Mom Lately? - Men's Fitness

Dating 101: The 7 Biggest Misuses of Texting -- Yahoo! Personals

Modern dating and devices go hand in hand, right? Wrong! There's still etiquette, appropriate boundaries, and just plain conversation. I am so glad that a man wrote this article. It was the exact same conversation I've had. It's amazing. For all of my sisterfriends and brothermen, this article says it much better than I ever will be able.

Dating 101: The 7 Biggest Misuses of Texting -- Yahoo! Personals