There are assumptions we make about lovers. For instance, they improve with age. Humans are evolving. We can move on from people without regret or extended attachment. HAHAHAHAHA! Getting older only confirms what we knew as children. Some people fire our synapses. Some folks are the collagen, the connective fibers, to who we are.
Do you remember your first kiss? Your first boy/girlfriend? Your first crush? Your first love? How do you hold these memories? Do you laugh at your innocent akward? Do you savor fine details like a particular shirt or class? 4th grade was the year Black men became beautiful for me. They taught me French and Math. They got me to run faster than ever. They led my elementary school with a loving discipline I'd not known before.
I love Black men. From my father to deacons in my church, my affinity is cellular. My momma thought, at one point, I was gonna marry a white boy. They were not my John Henry. They didn't know the unsaid parts of being Black. They had no swag. They didn't love me the same. The only loves I've know is from Black men.
And Love ain't all it's cracked up to be. We have casserole dishes full of baked macaroni and cheese we've perfected, but cain't nobody be honest 'bout how long it took to get it right. Why is Loving seemingly so hard?
Some folks are acquaintances. Others are family. A few are friends. Then, there's lovers. I used to think of a lover as reserved for LGBTQIA. I used to have this notion that monogamous relationships had to be titled boyfriend/girlfriend. We don't always act lovingly with these people. Often, we are more loving, freer when we have no titles.
Black men are my forever loves. They are the ones I chose to marry and divorce. We have children together. They make me laugh. They write songs and poems about me. They trust my creativity. We are intimate. They talk me through my worst moments and hold my hand. They love me.
That love doesn't come without risk. It demands I trust beyond trauma. Yes, their trauma and my trauma. What they've been through and what they inflict. It asks me to always see his humanity. So, the greatest hurt has come from Black men. I wouldn't have it any other way. To be in relationship is to be open to all a person has to bring, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Where else will they unpack the anti-blackness that won't love them back?
The song says we can be lovers and friends. My friends don't love me the way lovers do. The dynamic is different. The expectations are different. Maybe, that's my downfall. For me, Loving is Black.
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